I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't deserve a penis
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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