Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
