Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
