But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
