I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its not stalking. its research.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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