Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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