New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
