the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
