I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize