while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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