drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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