Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
