Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
