He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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