moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
