I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
