Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
