I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
