Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
