I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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