I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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