I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
