Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
