I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
