dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
either way he was missing a nipple.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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