Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
