how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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