he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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