I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drake has all the answers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
