Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
