So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
