i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
