It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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