i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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