you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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