I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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