At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
