fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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