My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
