I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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