you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
