oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im part way to drunk.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
