We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
