I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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