I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I touched a dick in church today
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
