you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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