so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
