I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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