so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
