I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize