I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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