i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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