After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
