Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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