The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
