Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
