Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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