We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You took a bar mat shot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
